


The Big Sleep

by YKWencest



Category: Tegan and Sara (Band)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-12
Updated: 2016-07-12
Packaged: 2018-07-23 12:35:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,192
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7463523
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YKWencest/pseuds/YKWencest
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sara has two dreams with similar themes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Big Sleep

**Author's Note:**

> Okay everyone, so sorry about taking so long to upload stuff. I moved recently and had been without internet for two weeks, but I'm back now, and I have a special treat for you. I'll be posting a new chapter of The Holler soon. Hope everyone enjoys.
> 
> WARNING: This story contains themes of death.

She looked so frail. Her once vital and toned frame now rested limply in bed, her figure gaunt from her illness. It was hard to watch, to say the least. One half was going. One half was failing.

“Are you okay? Are you comfy?” Sara asked her sister from her spot beside the hospital bed. “Do you need anything?”

“No… I’m fine,” Tegan replied, a weak smile on her face. “You look pretty today…”

“Thanks,” Sara said, trying to return her sister’s smile. “Get some rest. Save your strength.”

“ _ **I won’t be long**_ , Sara,” Tegan said, closing her eyes slowly. She took a deep, labored breath before opening them again. Sara watched on sadly, knowing there was nothing she could do to help. She couldn’t even remember what had caused her twin to fall into such a state, she just knew it had happened. One minute, Tegan was lifting her up and professing her love, the next, she was dying in a whited out hell.

“Don’t say that,” Sara replied, her voice shaking as she fought off the tears. “You’ll be fine, I know it. I know you.”

“Sasa…” Tegan smiled again. Just the act of moving her lips to form the smile seemed to be too much for her. “I love your optimism.”

“W-When you get out of here, we can… we can go on vacation, just the two of us.”

“You can,” Tegan replied. “I won’t be going anywhere when I get out.”

“Tegan, please…”

“You _**don’t miss me too much**_ when I’m gone, you hear?” Tegan spoke up. “I’ll always be right there with you, even if you can’t see me.”

“Tegan–”

“Sara, listen to me, okay?”

Sara nodded, wiping at her eyes.

“The doctors say I won’t make it… and… well, that’s true so far. You gotta be strong, okay? You gotta… you gotta help mom through it. And dad… and our babies. You gotta _**take care of our babies while I’m gone**_.”

“Tegan.”

“I’ve lived a good life,” Tegan mused. She closed her eyes and smiled again as the thought back on her past. “We had our ups and downs… but… I wouldn’t trade it for anything. Would you, Sara?”

“No,” Sara smiled back, letting a few tears slip through. “I love you.”

“ _ **I love you**_ , too,” Tegan replied. She was silent for a moment, the beeps coming from the machines being the only sounds in the room. “If I could do it all again, I would. Everything. Fast as lightning… Hell, I’d break my arm again if it meant I could… I could just have a few more years with you.”

“Tegan, please don’t say that,” Sara said, her lip shaking. “We… we’ve got all the years we could ever want ahead of us.”

“You still gonna make music?” Tegan asked, ignoring her sister’s statement.

“How could I without you?” Sara asked sadly.

“I’ll wait for you, okay?” Tegan replied. Things were getting harder for her, Sara could tell. It wouldn’t be long now. It would be an eternity. “I know you hate to go places without me… I hate it, too… I’ll wait around, and I’ll… I’ll walk you to wherever it is we go.”

“Tegan.”

“You wanna do it again?” Tegan asked. She closed her eyes again. This time she left them that way. “When we both get to where we’re going, do you wanna come back? Just you and me?”

“Yeah,” Sara said, smiling through her tears. She had always felt that she and Tegan had done this before, this life thing. Tegan felt it, too, she knew. Whether it was one time, or a thousand, they would choose to do this over and over again. It was all they knew, after all. “Yeah, I’d like that.”

“I’d like it, too…” Tegan replied. She took another labored breath and smiled weakly. “One more kiss for the road?”

Sara leaned forward from her seat, inching closer toward Tegan before connecting their lips. She poured everything she had into the kiss, hoping that maybe, just maybe, it would bring her Tegan back to life. She felt a weak push against her lips, and cried harder.

_I love you, Tegan. Don’t go. We can do this forever. You and me. I love you._

She pulled back slowly, and opened her eyes. Tegan’s eyes were still closed. In fact, she didn’t seem to be reacting in any way, shape, or form.

“Tegan?” Sara asked. No answer. “Tegan? Tegan? Tegan! Tegan! Tegan!”

*

“TEGAN!” Sara bolted up in her bed, sweat dripping from her brow. She pulled the covers up close to her chest, hoping to bandage her broken heart with them. She heard footsteps running up the stairs and toward her bedroom.

“What? What is it? What’s wrong?” Tegan asked frantically, bursting in through the door with haste.

“Tegan!” Sara shouted once more. Tegan rushed over to the bed and wrapped her arms around her twin. “I had… the worst nightmare.”

“Shh, it’s okay.”

“You were… you were sick, and you… you weren’t getting any better,” Sara wept.

“Shh… It’s okay now, Sasa,” Tegan replied, rocking them back and forth. “I’m here now. I’m okay. I’m safe.”

“Please don’t leave me,” Sara said, soaking Tegan’s shirt with her tears.

“I’m not leaving,” Tegan soothed. “I’m not going anywhere. I just went out to the store, but I’m back now. I’m here.”

“Lay down with me?” Sara asked. She felt so drained from the dream she had had. It was all too much for her.

“Sure, of course,” Tegan replied. She stood from her spot on the bed and closed the door before removing her clothes and sliding into bed with Sara. She snaked her arm around her twin and pulled her closer as she tried to comfort Sara more. “Do you want to take a nap?”

“No,” Sara answered quickly. “No… I don’t… I don’t want to risk having that nightmare again, but this time waking up to find it was real.”

“Okay,” Tegan said softly. “We’ll just lay here for a while.”

“Thank you.”

“I love you, Sasa,” Tegan whispered, placing a kiss on Sara’s cheek.

“I love you, too, Teetee.”

*

She hated coming here. It was always so lonely. Her only companions were the wind, the overgrown trees, and the small gray stones that protruded from the ground in front of her. She hated it. All of it. It was all so lonely. So cold and lonely.

“How’ve you been?” She asked one of the stones. “I know I haven’t come out here in a while to see you… Sorry about that.”

She sighed, knowing she wouldn’t get an answer out of the object, and continued. “I’m doing good. I um… I’m happy now. Like I was with you. It took a while, but… I got back to that.”

She smiled and looked down to the ground, thinking about things in her life. “I have someone to take care of me, you know? Someone to love me. She’s the sweetest. You should know, though. You knew her, too.”

“Sometimes I miss you,” she continued. “Sometimes I lie awake at night and just think about you. You were so young. I really did love you, though. I always have. Even when I pretended that I didn’t, I did.”

“Mom and I talk about you sometimes,” she paused to look about her surroundings. Still empty. Still lonely. “She’s doing well, by the way.”

“You okay?” A voice asked from behind her. Sara turned to the source and smiled.

“Yeah. I’m good,” she replied, waiting as Tegan walked up beside her. Sara rested her head on her sister’s shoulder before she looked back down to the stones. “We were just talking.”

“Do you miss her?” Tegan asked, motioning over to the gravestone in front of them. Blonde Sara, it read.

“Sometimes,” Sara replied. “Sometimes I do, but she was too reckless with her love. She loved truly and deeply, but… she was a child, and she didn’t understand everything the way she thought she did.”

“What about her?” Tegan asked, pointing to another stone. Montreal Sara.

“I loved living in Montreal,” Sara answered. “It’s such a beautiful city. But… She was too guarded with her love. She thought that maybe if she tried to give it to someone else, someone that wasn’t her Tegan, then she could be ‘normal’. But she didn’t realize that normal for her **was** Tegan.”

“And her?” Tegan asked; another stone. Lonely Sara.

“I don’t miss her,” Sara replied. “She was hurt and sad. She… she refused to believe anyone was there to love her, even when someone had been there to whole time, trying to show her that they did.”

“What about that one?” Tegan asked again. New Orleans Sara.

“Yeah.” Sara smiled as the thought back to their time in New Orleans, and the brief time that followed. That was possibly the most in love they had been, or allowed themselves to be, at that time. “She was happy.”

“Do you ever wish you could be one of them again and do things different?” Tegan asked.

“No,” Sara replied. “I loved who I was when I was for the most part, but… I’m the happiest I’ve ever been. I have you, and we have our cats, and we’re together. It’s something that Blonde Sara always dreamed of, something that Montreal Sara thought was silly and childish, something that Lonely Sara had given up on, and something that New Orleans Sara knew was bound to happen.”

“I’m happy, too,” Tegan said. She placed a kiss on top of Sara’s head and pulled her closer. “Hey, Sasa?”

“Yeah, Teetee?”

“ _ **It’s time to wake up**_.”

“What?”

“ _ **It’s time to wake up, Sara**_.”

*

“Sara? It’s time to wake up, baby,” Tegan said softly, gently shaking Sara from her slumber. “We fell asleep, but I thought I’d wake you in case you were having a bad dream again.”

“No… No, I wasn’t having a bad dream,” Sara replied, stretching. She opened her eyes and focused on her sister.

“Did you have a good nap, then?” Tegan asked. She moved a little to the side, letting Sara have a bit of room now that she was awake. Something caught Sara’s eye once Tegan settled.

There she was. Nineteen, with short, blonde hair done up in spikes. She was smiling. She had her arm wrapped around her Tegan from that time. Tegan looked a little pestered, but Sara could tell it was an act. Tegan was secretly relishing in the act, with her shaved head turned away to hide her smile.

Sara looked around the room after that. They were all there. Each and everyone one of them.

Montreal Sara with her Tegan, playfully moving away each time the older woman brought her into a hug.

Lonely Sara with her Tegan, only now, she wasn’t lonely.

New Orleans Sara with her Tegan, the both of them being the showiest couple in the room with their newly revived happiness.

And then there was Tegan. Her Tegan. Right in front of her. The hole beneath her bottom lip where a small ball of metal once rested. There were signs of age upon her face once Sara compared them to the past versions of themselves, but she was still Tegan. Sara’s heart swelled with love as the past twins walked toward the bed.

Blonde Sara kissed her cheek and moved into her body, resting where she had for so many years. Her Tegan waved sadly as she watched her twin depart before going to her home as well.

Montreal Sara kissed her forehead and turned back to her Tegan, who blew a kiss. Montreal Sara rolled her eyes playfully before she, too, settled into her resting place. Her Tegan went back to her own home inside Tegan with her smile still in place and playfully shaking her head.

Lonely Sara kissed her nose (Sara thought that was cute) and smiled. It was odd to see such genuine happiness on Lonely Sara’s face, but it was so beautiful. Her Tegan came over quickly and hugged her tightly and kissed her before heading back to Tegan. They both went to their respective resting places at the same time.

New Orleans Sara kissed her lips. She moved back over to her Tegan’s side and shared a kiss with her before moving back to Sara. New Orleans Sara and New Orleans Tegan blew kisses to each other before New Orleans Sara turned back to Sara and smiled to her. She moved back into Sara to rest where she belonged, with the other past versions of herself. New Orleans Tegan smiled to Sara quickly before moving back into Tegan’s body.

It was just them now. Tegan and Sara. Sara felt warmth and love wash over her as she felt her past selves settle into place happily. The nightmare had been taken care of now. She was sure the younger versions of herself had come to lift her spirits and ease her worry. Tegan was going nowhere and neither was she.

“Sasa?” Tegan spoke up again. “Did you have a good nap?”

“Yeah,” Sara replied, smiling widely. “The best.”


End file.
